These Things I Can Never Tell You
by Devious Shigure
Summary: Regina struggles with her feelings for Rumplestiltskin as both her mentor and feared man of storybrooke. Friend or Foe? Right as it seems clear Belle arrives and makes the attraction harder to grasp. How will Regina handle some competition when she can't even tell him how she feels in the first place? Ships: Golden-Queen. Rumbelle. Etc.
1. Chapter 1

_Don't look at me with those eyes. Those damned indifferent eyes. Look at me like you used to! Look at me with hope and aspiration and with those eyes that __**chose **__me above all the others who could have brought your dreams to fruition. Please. Look at me with…_

"Yes, Regina? May I ask why you are in my shop today?" He spoke casually as he ran a rag over an old empty lantern. Sydney's old lantern with gaudy emeralds and precious stones lining the base. She watched him clean it with disdain. Why did he still have that? How did he even get ahold of it?

"Your majesty, I am afraid I am a very busy man so if you have no business with me then I must ask for your par-."

"I need your help." She stated simply. Her lips quivering as she caught the words stuck in her throat and felt her hands clench onto the starched fabric of her pant suit. The words sounded so pathetic coming out of her mouth but she knew she could not entrust the plans of her vengeance to anyone else but her dear teacher, Rumplestiltskin. He, of all people, would understand the inner workings of plotting and conniving. Yes. He of all people. This is why he chose her, right? He needed her. She needed him.

"Whatever would you need _my _help with, your majesty?" He grinned, lips forming a tight cupid's bow over his teeth. The glimmering gold barely peeking through a slit of his lips as he put down the rag and gave her his undivided attention. "After all, you always claim you will become more powerful than me. Losing a bit of that confidence, huh?" He quipped. His cold brown eyes meeting hers.

Her throat ran dry and she swallowed hard.

"I need your help to frame Mary Margaret in the disappearance of Catherine….things are not going according to plan and, well, I'm willing to make a deal." She tried to keep her strong demeanor even as his cold eyes ran over her every stitch and button.

_Those eyes again. Please, Rumple. Please. Just one more time. Look at me with adoration one mor-_

"I'll be willing to help you. For a price, of course." He grinned, his fingers interlacing together before pulling apart to create a steeple in which his chin laid upon, "I think you know what I want."

"…I'm afraid you already have most of the wealth and power in Storybrooke…even the citizens fear you more than me."

"Yes, and that will never change. But…let's just say…I know what is coming. I've always known. And when the day comes that I make a request…I want you to heed it. My price for this…expenditure of my skills is simple. A promise." He held out his pinky finger. A glittering golden ring shimmering in the dim light of his pawn shop. "Say it in your own words. You promise me a favor."

She looked over that slim pinky and the obnoxious ring that he was so fond of. Why was he always so audaciously extravagant in his clothing style and mannerisms? It was like watching one of the sassy servants from an old play in the days of the _commedia dell'arte _waving about the stage proclaiming their master's a fool while wearing their clothing. But Rumple was much smarter than that. He was, indeed, smarter than anyone she had ever met. Yes. Had he a mind to he could have broken the curse himself. It was always his laid-back nature and…perhaps a twinge of laziness and his desire for entertainment that kept him from doing anything himself.

With her shoulders slumping she took her finger and wrapped it around his with a sneer. Her lips curling upwards and teeth biting her bottom lip. His little "request" could be anything from a freshly baked apple pie to her running naked through the streets. He and she both knew it.

"I promise you a favor, no matter what it is." She said under her breath as she saw him smile menacingly at her. Did he know about….

"Well then, your majesty. We're done here. It will be done as you requested. She will be framed for the unfortunate happenings to young Catherine." He grinned. Pulling his pinky from hers and making it a show of wiping his hand off on his pinstripe suit. "Until later, Regina." He grinned and disappeared into the back room; leaving Regina reeling from the loss of the heat of his finger and the insult of him rubbing his hand on his pants like she was a plague-ridden peasant.

"Yes….Rumple." She said softly, her shoulders falling slack and the long coat laying down against her chest tighter. Making those heart strings of her pull even more and her hand going up to cover where she was sure she once had a heart. Had she been a weaker person she would have pulled it out right then and there to avoid the pain of his actions towards her. But, she still had a purpose for it. She wanted to keep the warmth of her memories moving in her chest. Even if nearly every beautiful memory of hers was mingled with the bittersweet pang of bitterness and injury.

_Those eyes… I miss when they were wide and more like a lizards… I miss you, Rumplestiltskin. Can't we go back to the way things were? When did I stop being of use to you? When…_

Hearing the door chime and Emma come in she turned on her heel and saw a confused blonde woman standing there. She pulled the pain from her face and quickly brushed past her without so much as a word. Slamming the door shut and hearing the bell chime loudly in her wake.

She had things to do. So many things to do. If she kept herself busy then she wouldn't be stuck thinking about the past. Of the way things were. Of what she traded to be know as…

"Hello, Madame Mayor." Archie said happily as he walked pongo.

She exhaled through her nose. Almost missing the days when she was simply know as "Regina". Missing the days when she sat alone in her childhood home, looking out the window, waiting for…

Maybe she was still waiting for him and had fallen asleep in the chair…maybe…

No…Storybrooke was hers now. She was not young asleep in a chair. She was now a bitter adult living an adult life and wishing for things to return to the way they were.

Maybe if magic was brought back,  
And Sydney was to be given his genie magic back  
Maybe she would wish, just one simple wish,  
To be young and foolish and be sleeping on her terrace waiting for her teacher to arrive for their nightly sessions.

Just one wish was all she needed.  
Just one.

* * *

The pristine alabaster stones lining her terrace overlooking her apple tree was always so cold at night and stung to the tips of her fingers. Amazingly, she always waited out there for him when she knew he was coming. Every three days he would show up once the moon was half-mast in the sky and the stars around it would respond to his nearing by disappearing. She always fathomed that they hid behind the moon for fear of him, which only excited her more. What would she learn today? What would she be able to conjure in the morning? Although she wouldn't opt to be up in the morning and usually stayed in bed until noon on her days after having her appointments with Rumple.

She hummed to herself a soft tune as she leaned against the terrace and peered up at the moon. Only half-way there. It was getting so late and she was so tired. The white sheer robe she wore around her frame blew back in the wind and she held it closer. Her humming stilling as she shuddered. He wouldn't be there for another hour at least, she thought to herself, why not just go inside?

But she wanted to see him as soon as he entered. Although he would sometimes surprise her by poofing into her room in a large cloud of purple haze. Sitting ever-so-casually on her favorite leather armchair and swinging a booted foot to-and-fro with his high pitched giggle and tapping his fingers together as they made their precipice over his belly. His reptilian skin glimmering with golden specs in the moonlight and his lips always, always, always curled into that self-indulging smile that she was becoming so fond of…

At first, she would often think to herself as she combed her black hair in the vanity, that the first time she had seen him she was shocked to the point where she would have jumped from the terrace to escape if he had looked even one bit malicious. But he had always looked more comical to her. Like he was incapable of any emotion other than his own jovial nature.

_I wonder what he looked like before he was….more….reptilian and…scaled. Maybe he was dashingly handsome and his penance for having so much power was to become…as he is. Or maybe he was horribly ugly and his current look is actually an upgrade._ She had once pondered in her looking glass as she looked over the features of her face hoping that her increase in power wouldn't result in any scales or premature wrinkles.

Now she rendered him with a type of handsomeness that could only be appreciated with a few months-worth of stolen glances and worshipping in different lights.

The first thing she had noticed was the strong jaw he had that often pronounced itself when he clenched his teeth too-tight in expectation of her doing something amazing with her powers; or the way he did when he was frustrated that she hadn't met his expectation. Either through her own lack of practicing in the few days she had between visits, or it simply being beyond her skill set.

There had been nights where she had sobbed herself to sleep thinking how forceful he was and how she could never possibly reach his expectations. She had noted the look of aggravation underneath his usually calm demeanor. She had noted the hints of regret and dismay in the way his hands failed to flit about like they had a mind of their own. Like a crazed puppet. But the feeling of failure always brought her to work thrice as hard to reach his expectations. To hear that one simple phrase "good work, Dearie" that she had become so fond of.

Tonight while she was on the terrace she ran her hands down the smooth alabaster stones of her railing and exhaled. Her breath making a cloud that rose up into the sky. Her body shaking from a mix of anticipation and the freezing cold that made her pace the balcony for even a hint of warmth.

_The next thing I will ask him to teach me is how to move the stars in the sky. Maybe if I work hard at it while he is not around I'll be able to move the moon and he will come sooner. Maybe I could hold it in place while he is here so he won't leave. Maybe I'll hold it there forever so mother will remain asleep throughout my entire life and I could be happy. Just my teacher and I working together to further the constraints of magic and surpass ourselves. It is another beginning, isn't it?_

She smiled and knelt down, resting her chin on her hands and shivered, "hurry up, Rumplestiltskin. How long do you plan to make a lady wait?" She couldn't help but become a little childish. No matter how old she had become patience had never been a virtue.

Sighing she began to hum again, very quietly so as to not wake her mother. She wondered what her mother would do if she ever found out she was learning from the teacher that her mother never spoke about. Maybe she didn't approve of his methods. She wouldn't bother to ask. The whole reason she had called to Rumple all that time ago was to avoid her marriage day, which was coming all-too-quickly. In all honesty, she was sick to her stomach thinking of kissing that elderly man…let alone what she was being hinted at from her mother about what comes during a wedding night. All of it made her skin crawl! Why would she want to…with _that _man….

"I should have let her die on the horse." She hissed under her breath.

"Now now, Dearie. Isn't that a bit cruel for a child?" She heard a fiendish giggle behind her and spun around quickly to see her teacher lounging in her chair. She tried to act nonchalant through her excitement and swallowed quickly.

"It's because of that child that I'm being forced into a marriage!" She hissed to him, standing up and going inside for some warmth. Shutting the doors to keep in the heat coming from her fireplace. Sitting across from him in the other chair she gave a low grin.

"Yes. But children make mistakes. But, no matter. We are here for a lesson. Not some quibbling over ethics and child rearing." He smirked, "I'm sure you'll be a _wonderful _mother." He giggled, tapping his fingers together and letting his foot bob side to side as he thought. "Now," he started after a few moments of silence between the two of them, "what do you want to learn today?"

"Want? I don't want to learn magic and become like my mother. Remember, Rumple, I'm only learning magic to protect myself from her if she uses it on me again." She said firmly as she crossed her arms and stiffened her back up to appear as an authority figure in front of the sorcerer.

"That's not what I asked." He quipped as he leaned forward. The creak of his leather pants sounding through the quiet room.

"…Show me how to move stars in the sky." She stated simply.

He paused thinking it was a joke before the smile faded from his face realizing she was serious. Sighing he leaned back and slapped his hands on his knees. "Why would you want to learn that?" He said firmly.

"I want to make constellations." She lied.

"What a child." He sighed and stood up, walking to the window and peering up into the bright night sky full of stars and angles. "Why not be happy with the ones that are already there?" he asked, pointing up.

"Why are you so insistent not to teach me what I want to know?"

"Why are you dodging the question?" he retorted.

"_Why do I have to defend what I want to learn from you? You said you would teach me anything wouldn't you?"_

"Yes, but it is beyond your skill level to push stars around!" He said firmly, looking at her and noting the look of sadness on her face.

"I just-…"

"You just need practice and determination and something like moving the stars takes both. Let's do something easier." He said softly, moving over and running an understanding hand over her forearm. The warmth of his palm spreading over her upper arm and making her cheeks tint a soft red in thinking that she had never felt this warmth before. His skin was scorching hot. She was embarrassed to find herself wishing to gain warmth away from the night's frigid winds wrapped in his leather-bound arms.

_Please don't let mind-reading be a magic that he knows…._

"Now. I understand I have taught you how to make fire, boil water, make light things float…but I haven't taught you the fine art of pushing things around. You're already good enough at doing that with your words." He giggled and spun on the heel of his boot. Holding up a feather-quill and laying it down on her vanity.

"Push it." He said firmly and crossed his arms.

Regina looked at him as if he must be joking and he only looked at her sternly.

"Well? Proving too difficult?" He asked in his one serious tone, "To know the more complex magics one must first start off with the basics, right?" he grinned. Walking away from the quill and placing his hands upon her shoulders. Making her back straighten and her breath hitch.

"Remember, Regina. The way you felt when she held you up by thorns and roots. How you were humiliated in front of your loved ones with actions like that." He looked at her seeing her body quivering. Her mind wasn't concentrating like it should have. He exhaled and leaned in, whispering directly into her ear, "how you felt seeing Daniel hanging in the air and how you couldn't help him because you were being held back."

Her eyes grew wide and the feather quill was pushed back hard against the vanity, cracking the glass as its sharp point went straight into the delicate surface. Her breathing coming in short stops as she shivered under his touch.

He always knew exactly which buttons to press to get what he wanted from her.

_Daniel….I'm sorry._

She couldn't help but choke softly and look down to hide the tears that ran from her cheeks thinking of the man she loved that she couldn't save.

Her teacher going to look at the glass gave a whistle before coming back. Seeing her crying he stood up straight and awkwardly. Clearing his throat he pondered if he had perhaps gone too far. But her mind really was elsewhere today. Usually all he had to do was remind her of her mother's past humiliations towards her. Today he had to go for very hard buttons. HE really did hate seeing her this way.

And he hated himself for enjoying it. He enjoyed watching Cora's child crying in front of him because of him. Yet another part recognized her as an innocent in all of this. Probably not even knowing about his affairs with her mother.

Fighting about whether to stay and assist her to feel better or to run away and let her handle it by herself he bounced on his heels before groaning and moving forward to hug her to his chest gently. Placing his chin right above her head he sighed.

"There there, Dearie. All things are better on the other side." He said gently, stroking her black locks to soothe her, "We all lose something precious along the way. Time goes on. You'll fall in love again someday." He said solemnly; earnestly surprising her.

_Who says I haven't started already? Daniel, I'm so sorry._

" Come along now, Dearie. Sober up. We have work to get to." He smiled, pulling her away from his chest and tilting her head up to look up at him. Her Applewood eyes gazing into his own before nodding and being wiped away by an engraved handkerchief.

Secretly she had been enjoying the soothing scent of book-musk and burned vanilla that tinted his skin. Making her cheeks turn slightly red, which he blamed on the crying.

"Sorry." She said softly and cleared her throat as she rubbed away a few stray tears on her cheeks.

"Well then. Now that you are composed….why don't we begin? We need to perfect your new lesson by morning. After all…only one week until you are the blushing bride of wonderful King Leopold."

He saw the distaste on her face and giggled.

"All the more reason we need to get to work." He smirked and held up a jewelry bow about the size of his palm. "Just like last time." He said firmly. "From the top!"

* * *

Regina sat at her desk cross legged and tapping a pen up and down between her fingers, sighing and gazing over a document that was going on-and-on about something concerning the water pipes in Storybrooke. In all the years she had reigned mayor nothing had changed and nothing really needed to change but every year she had to read some ordinance that dealt with the layout of pipes around the area.

Seeing that she was alone, and that she would be alone for a few hours as the town openly gossiped about Catherine's disappearance and the way a simple school teacher could be locked in jail for it.

Nobody believed Mary Margaret did it... Even she would have doubts if she wanted any sort of contact with the pure innocence that exemplified in every one of Mary-..no…Snow White's actions and words. She shuddered at that innocent little voice that used to follow her around the castle. How birds and creatures flocked to her in such numbers as would fill up rooms in the castle with the stench of wildlife.

Taking one good look around to make sure that nobody (Especially not a certain someone noted for spontaneously appearing out of thin air at times) was in the room. Placing her pen down she glared at it openly and attempted to make it move. Thinking of all the insults and catastrophes that had occurred in her short life. But the pen did not even budge a single inch.

Groaning she set her head down on her desk.

"Trying your hand at telepathy, I see." A familiar voice sounded and she sat up straight to see him, calm as ever, leaning on his cane with the air of a born-aristocrat.

"Do you need something? You should at least knock before ente-."

"I did knock. Nobody answered so I let myself in." he said with an obvious air of amusement as he circled around the desk and sat on the edge of it overlooking her.

"Well. What is it then?"

"I have done what you asked me." He said with a smile, his hand, heavy with rings and emeralds falling on the desk with a thud. "Emma has found the knife in Miss Blanchard's room in the heating vent and along with the heart being found in the accused's jewelry-box it seems like a pretty obvious case to me."

Regina gave a self-satisfied grin and nodded, "Your tone implies there is more."

He smirked and gave a short nod. "You know me so well. Well. Those little skeleton keys you have…I snuck one into her sheets. I'm sure she will find it and let herself out. What, indeed, is more incriminating than someone running from something that they say they did not do? How does that saying go? Actions speak louder than words?" He hummed tapping a finger on his chin.

"And you think this will work?"

"Oh, I know it will. And when something as tragic as what has happened to young Catherine is brought to light and people have made assumptions….I dare say Miss Blanchard will be exactly where you want her." He grinned.

Regina nodded happily and folded her hands over her belly. Her eyes moved up and saw the glimmering gold that still resided in his own. Even after the curse…after everything…nothing has changed in him. Those eyes still held the same golden tints and sweeping tones that were in the eyes of the mischievous imp she had fallen in-

That she had known in the Enchanted Forest.

She mentally kicked herself for having been so stupid as before and cleared her throat. It was time to get over her school-girl crush. He was just her teacher. There was no friendship here. She doubted he even remembered half of the time they spent together. He had been so busy with all of the other fairytale folk in the old days. It has been many years since they had met and been in close contact with regularly. It was time to be over this.

But there was just something in that fiendish little smile and the way his lips curled over that golden tooth that sent a shiver down her spine.

_I should have kept Graham around…he might have come back to me…anything would be better than suffering at night dreaming about-_

"Your body, your highness, just tells me how absolutely calm you are about all of this."

"Why wouldn't I be?" She shot out of her thoughts quickly and tried to hide the quasi-huskiness of her voice that she prayed he didn't hear.

"Well, after all, Miss Swan is here and with the title of 'Savior'," He made finger quotes and everything, annoying imp, "She could always find a way of _saving _those she loves. I think she would have a love for her mother. Even if she is unaware of the relationship they share." He smirked, leaning in and gazing close into her eyes.

"I trust you." She said firmly.

"Ah. I thought I would have taught you better." He quipped and pushed himself off of her desk. Grabbing his cane and spinning it in his palm.

"Should I not trust you?"

"Just remember, Regina. If given the choice between anyone else and myself I will always choose me." He said calmly. She remained unsurprised by his self-preserving nature and gave a small huff.

"How charming."

"I'd leave the charming bit to Mr. Noland." He quipped again and giggled. Her eyes rolling and a small half-smile with a tip of one side of her lips giving away her amusement.

Mentally cursing herself for letting one of his idiotic quips make her nearly smile she sobered up and sat up straight. Fixing the front of her coat by running her hands over the curve of her body and gaze at him.

"Please remove yourself from my office unless you have official business."

"Yes, Madam Mayor." He teased, limping his way to the door and peering back at her.

"Yes?" She said shortly. Trying to glare daggers at the man to instill any amount of fear into his heart.

"If you want…I can bring a small mirror into your office so you can throw your pen into it to make it feel like old times. Maybe that will spark some magic?" he winked before disappearing. Leaving her heart thumping heavily in her chest as she reclined against the plush leather chair.

_So he does remember…why would he remember…?_

She ran her hands over the leather of her chair and groaned to herself. Why had she chosen leather? Now it was just bringing back memories of leather pants and dragon-scaled clothing and…

A fiendish giggle...  
followed by that one endearment she once loved to hear…  
That one endearment that assured her things were okay  
That one endearment that ran shivers down her spine  
That one endearment that made her skin warm and a desire rise in her stomach

That one endearment…  
That one…

_Dearie._


	2. Chapter 2

With the tired glazed over eyes that come along with a day-job Regina walked into the office that she had begun to see as her cage and groaned. Sitting down at her desk she looked down and saw a small rectangular object shrouded in a large fabric covering with a long mint-colored bow around it. Curiously she undid the bow and the wrappings and saw a small gold-lined mirror that reflected the puzzled look on her face.

Reliving the day before where Gold had offered her a mirror to aid her in attempting magic in a un-magical world (Even though he had obviously been kidding) she smiled and thought it was from him, gazing over the intricate lining of it and smiling shyly to herself. Her fingers running over the rough edge of the frame and adoring the little carved flowers and swirls. Giving a small smile she couldn't help but sit it up and gaze into it fully. He had always had such great tastes. If not a little gaudy at times with the golden tooth and rings (although she had to admit at times that they were very befitting of him). The smooth gold-leaf of the mirror had a soft texture and reminded her of the way his skin used to be. Had she ever touched it while in Storybrooke? He had managed to keep enough distance between them nearly every time they spoke that she hadn't gotten even close to skin contact. She had smelled his cologne of sandalwood and mint, but never had she been able to fully inhale like she had when she was still young.

Her mind wandered back to a few nights before her wedding when Rumplestiltskin had given her a mirror covered in very similar wrapping. The same mirror that she had sent her mother through in order to be freed of her draconian control. She had often wondered where Rumplestiltskin had made her send that heartless mother of hers. She really had loved her mother she just had to be free. And the mirror that she had been given all those years ago was the reason for that. He had gifted her freedom as a wedding present.

"Do you like it?"

Instantly Regina's face soured and showed the lines of rage along her lips and eyes that come from a perpetual scowl that aged her beyond her years in the Enchanted Forest. Looking up she saw Sydney in a deep blue suit coming over and sitting across from her in one of the luxurious arm chairs.

"This is from you?" She asked bitterly, making his eyebrows raise.

"I guess you don't like it? I thought giving you a mirror would have made you automatically assume that it was me. I found it to be pretty funny." He chuckled and leaned forward with forearms resting on his knees as he gazed at her. His smile fading as he saw the obvious disgust on her face.

"It's not my style." She said quickly and handed him back the mirror, "You should return it wherever it is you got it from."

Sydney held the mirror sadly and ran a hand over the corners, "Mr. Gold is going to be furious. I thought he was going to kill me when I was in his shop for three hours trying to find a good gift for you. Glared at me the whole time. Kept hinting that he was busy." He muttered and placed the mirror down against the leg of the chair and leaning.

Her ears twitched at the name and she gave a small sigh through her nose as she cursed herself for letting her heart beat wildly just at the mention of his name and the image of him glaring from across the counter at the man who was soon becoming the most constant pain in her side. Thinking of the way he usually glared while rubbing his skilled hands together to try and intimidate the person into making them leave faster. She had seen him do it plenty of times before.

_Now if only that mirror hadn't of been chosen by Sydney. I'm sure he had a fun time ringing it up for him though. Probably knew who it was for with how often Sydney brings me worthless presents. At least some of them I can give to Henry for him to play with or make some silly story with._

Sydney cleared his throat and caught her attention. Her deep brown eyes glaring at him as she leaned back in her chair and crossed one hosed leg over the other. The heel of her shoe tapping the side of the desk.

"What are you trying to butter me up for, Sydney?" She asked angrily,

"Well." He said as he tilted his head to the side to gain an air of innocence, "it just so happens to be that the Catherine case is the talk of the town and I was _thinking _that maybe…I could be the one assigned to write the articles on it." He said with his annoyingly sheepish tone. His hands wringing together under her strong gaze.

_THIS is what you choose to waste my time with?_

"Yes. Go ahead and write about it to your hearts little desire." She scoffed and turned back to her work, pulling up the top of her laptop and pressing the button to turn it on.

"Thank you, Regina." Sydney smiled brightly and stood up excitably. His hands folded into little fists that showed his excitement.

Only giving him a small "Mm-hm." In reply she began typing up the presentation she had to give on the water-systems in Town Hall in a few days. Her nimble fingers working adroitly over the keyboard to create an eloquent speech that would somehow manage not to put the townspeople into tears of pure boredom. Twenty-Eight years of giving the same basic speech was enough to make her own mind blank out.

"You know, Regina," Sydney stated suavely as he moved across the space to sit on the corner of her desk, trying to look smooth but his leg slipping due to the fresh polish of the desk. She gave a snort under her breath of derision. Mr. Gold had a lame leg and was able to hop up on her desk and look sexier than an able-bodied male who was even _younger _than the pawn broker. "I would do _anything _for you." He said with slight embarrassment of having slipped and knowing she saw that.

She looked up at him with a small condescending grin and nodded, "I know, Sydney." She said bitterly and turned back to her work.

He had always been subservient for her, even going so far as to curse himself to be in her mirror just to be able to see her every day.

Sydney is, and always had been, a pawn for her to use.

Maybe he would come in handy if something went wrong with the plan. God knows how that manipulative little imp would be able to turn her words around in their deal to benefit himself. He'd always seemed to have been that way. Twisting the words of others to get what best helped himself.

"Thank you, Sydney." She said simply to keep him on the line. She supposed she would have to shine him up in order for him to continue doing what she wanted. There was only so long someone could be cracked at until they became insubordinate.

Sydney smile brightly and turned away, leaving the doors while giving her a lingering look. When the door was shut she sighed and let her fingers rest over the keys. A little shine catching the corner of her eyes draw her attention to the mirror that still leaned against the chair. The gold edges reflecting a warm light against her skin and heating her up.

Looking down at her hand and the golden freckles made by the mirror she gave a small smile as she let the heat run through her hand. It reminded her of the way Rumplestiltskin's skin would reflect golden specs in any light. Or at least in the Enchanted Forest it did.

It had always been so beautiful in the light. Whenever they were training out in the forests and the sun peeked through the trees to blaze his skin and the small metallic specks in it. Or the absolute iridescence blaze that came from his skin when caressed by candlelight. When he had been working late at night, or needed the light of a single candle to be illuminated in a dark room for a curse, or in his jail cell with torches, she had admired the shimmering flecks of his skin in secrecy.

Perhaps that was why his skin was always so warm when she had been given the chance to touch it; whether by his magic instructions, or the few instances where she had needed comfort and he had supplied it. Albeit usually because of something insensitive or cruel he had said or done.

She had never thought that he did such things on purpose. Sometimes he was just a bit insensitive. Even with his power to manipulate words to his benefit, he maybe didn't comprehend the magnanimous power they had that weld towards the hearts of other people. He was a master at using words to make deals to his benefit, but as soon as it came to other people he was clumsy with them. Almost like he was afraid of what to say in situations where there wasn't a clear goal for him to reach.

Regina rested her head on the palm of her hand and angled it over the desk. Staring out the window at the apple tree she gave a smile. There had been enough kindness there to bring that over from the Enchanted Forest. As much as Mr. Gold fought otherwise she knew that he had really been the one in control of what to bring over from their homeland. After all, she hadn't wished for half the crap in his shop to be brought over. Who would ever think about bringing over a spinning wheel, or a glass baby-mobile.

Why the Charmings had ever made it out of glass she would never know. She had Henry and knew how clumsy kids were. She must have spent a fortune on replacing glass cups before she realized how much easier plastic was for everyday uses. She loved Henry but…the boy was as clumsy as they came.

A twinge of maternal affection lined her lips into a silly smile which reflected in the golden mirror. Standing up she took it up in her hands and gazed over it. This really was not Sydney's style. He would have needed help picking this out.

Maybe she would keep it.

Albeit she would play a little make believe on who was the one to give it to her.

But she would make sure _never _to tell anyone.

Ever.

She had never had the best luck entrusting her secrets to people without fateful repercussions.

* * *

Looking over herself in the looking glass she gave a low sigh and ran her hands over her tightly corseted sides. Feeling ever bit of flesh that could be tucked into her sides being squeezed tight. Turning side to side she looked in the mirror and saw the glamorous sparkling pearls and diamonds that had been sewn into her dress.

Why couldn't she be happy with this?

Or at least content?

Instead she was imagining the white dress in her closet that had a simple large ribbon sewn onto the back right at her hip line and the bow that wrapped around her shoulders. No sparkling diamonds. No rare pearls torn from the mouths of clams at the very bottom of the ocean. No gaudy tiara on her head.

Just the wedding dress she had sewn herself to wear when she ran off with Daniel.

The dress she now found herself in her youthful folly wanting to wear for…

"My my, Dearie. You actually _can _wear white." A familiar voice quipped from the corner of the room as he moved in closer, placing his burning hands on her shoulders and squeezing gently. Giving her a soft, fiendish smile as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Brides do have to be-."

"Snow white after all." He finished for her before realizing that this was not the woman he had seen in her wedding dress all those years ago and that _now _Snow White was a living being and not simply an ironic joke for the future.

Where had the time gone for him?  
Was his plan really unfolding so quickly?

Regina turned around angrily and stamped a foot down, "Is this _funny_ to you? You corrupt little imp!" She said angrily. Tears of aggression pricking at the sides of her eyes as she held in her sadness.

He paused, actually not sure what to say in a situation where he had mixed his very messy past with the here-and-now.

"No…No it's not funny. I'm sorry." He said soberly and crossed his hands over the front of him with a nod of apology. "I understand what this means to you." He said, placing a gentle hand on the back of her upper arm and giving an assuring squeeze. The heat of his hand traveling up her arm and running against her skin. Making her cheeks tint and her face to turn downwards so she wouldn't have to see him in the mirror that was showing a bright reflection of the both of them.

The virginal white bride, and the malevolent imp in his most regal copper vest and brown dragon-leather coat.

Why could she not remain mad at him? For once she wanted him to go home feeling sorry for a few days that he had hurt her.

But did he have the emotional capacity to feel sorry for something he had done for longer than three minutes? She was sure he did. But she didn't want to burn that bridge and never see him again over something so foolish. She wanted him to keep coming to see her. To learn the art of magic from him. Nothing malicious, of course, but just enough to protect herself if she needed.

"Oh. I came bringing gifts." He smiled brightly and went to her plain mirror. Gazing over the simple wooden edges. It had been brought from her home and he frowned and shook his head. Moving his hands over the edges he made them a bright golden color and added the embellishment of carved flowers and swirls that would make any woman's heart flutter. Or at least he thought that way. Give a woman the treasures of the world and she was surely to smile. He didn't want her to fall in love with him. Of course not. He was much too ugly and too malevolently evil to ever love. But he wanted her to _smile._ And he hadn't wanted that for anyone in quite some time.

Looking into the mirror himself he placed his hands upon the dulled silver that reflected him poorly and ran them down. Replacing the silver with a beautiful diamond finish that made the reflection as clear as day. And adding in it a little magic for his ulterior motives.

Stepping away from it he presented it to her like a true showman and went behind her as she gawked over it in her excitement. Never had she seen such a beautiful mirror. She wasn't much one for material possessions to excite her and had always tried to find the beauty in simplicity, but here was something she had never seen. A mirror without a single blemish in it. Not even some of the finest craftsmen could compose a mirror with such radiance.

"Now, Regina. Be careful not to fall in." He grinned, and she looked over at him in bewilderment.

"Fall in?" She repeated confused.

"Well," He chuckled under his breath as he moved over and placed a hand on the mirror, "We were discussing your mother a few nights ago, yes? Wouldn't it be nice if when she began her little….ramparts on you…you could just push her through this and not have to deal with her again?"

"I don't want to-."

"Magic can set you free." He chimed in with a giggle as he saw her facing her reflection into it.

"I don't want to be like her." She said with a thick lump in her throat. Afraid that she had opened a can of worms when having summoned her mother's teacher to teach her. Maybe he had been the one to turn her that way in the first place. Without her mother's magic she would never have lost Daniel. She would never have to learn it for her own protection against someone she loved.

"Luckily, with this, you won't have to." He smiled and walked over to it. Placing a covering on it of beautiful fabric and a bow. "This mirror is a portal to another world. Where you won't have to suffer under her ever again. It would just send her to an annoying little world. She won't be harmed just….misplaced." He quipped and walked back to her. Her breath hitching with the idea of being freed from the woman who had taken her love from her. The woman who found her purpose in life to be living vicariously through Regina.

"I could be-."

"Absolutely free." He chimed and leaned in, whispering in her ear, "Now don't tell me you don't want _that." _

Her back shivered as the warm air tickled her earlobe and she inhaled sharply. Her eyes shutting and her attention being drawn right back to him. The ideas he was swirling into her mind intoxicating. Her freedom to do and be whatever it was that she wanted. Only at the cost of her mother.

Where could she sign?

"Regina!"

Her back shooting upright at the sound she turned around to see her mother coming into the room at a quick pace. Her face paling to think of her mother knowing she was learning magic she turned to tell Rumple to run or disguise himself. But he was gone already. Not even a purple puff of smoke in his face. Relived she turned back to her mother and exhaled.

"Yes, mother?" she asked calmly as her mother went over to her and took her hands.

"You look gorgeous, child." She smiled softly and leaned forward. Kissing her cheek and wiping away her lipstick. Looking over her shoulder at the mirror she raised an eyebrow and strode over to it.

"What's this?" She asked.

"I don't know….a gift?" Regina acted innocently. Her mind going on overdrive if she could really send her mother to an unknown realm just to be freed of her. Yes, she would be free, but she would never see her mother again if she sent her to this other realm.

Decisions…

With a twist of her wrist and magic coming from her the coverings to the mirror were taken down and on a heap on the ground. Sighing Cora let her shoulders slump. "A looking glass. How impersonal. I sometimes wonder if the people even truly love you."

Regina's heart was shot through with pain.

_I don't care if they love me. I want you to love me. Please. Stop looking at me like you're looking __**through **__me._

"I- I'm doing my best." She said sheepishly and curled her arms around her waist. Feeling how insecure and weak she was in front of her own mother who seemed to find it fun to pray on her insecurities. Primarily that she wasn't good enough.

That could explain the attraction she felt for her teacher. He had never made her feel inferior for long. Even if she needed practice on a certain spell, or couldn't seem to master something as fast as he hoped, he was still there for her. Showing her time and time again and assuring her that in due time she could do something right. If only she believed in herself.

"Oh Honey." Her mother fawned and pulled her over to look in the mirror. Standing next to her with her hands folded in her own, "Look at you, darling. You have your whole life ahead of you. And it will be _wonderful."_ She said in a chipper voice before turning her back to the mirror and whispering in confidence to her. "The king is not a strong man. He'll be gone soon, and you will have the kingdom on their knees in front of you-."

"But I don't want…" she began.

"Hush, child!" her mother said harshly.

"Is that what _you _want, mother?" Regina said firmly, her voice wavering in indecision.

"Ruling the kingdom is exactly what I would do," Cora replied confidently. Hands folded and lying over her abdomen with a wide smile. Regina being her pride and joy. Especially before marrying a king.

"Well the thing is, mother…I don't want to be you." Regina said angrily, turning quickly and going to give a spell before being wrapped in a bright blue constraint around her arms, keeping them at her sides.

"Well, well, well, Regina. Do you think it is that easy to get rid of me?" She laughed confidently, "You are stuck with me. Because I am your _mother _and I know best. You'll just have to deal with that."

Regina looked dumbfounded at her own failures, the anger running through her veins as she heard her mother's confident appeal at her lack of independence. How she would never be free as long as she was around.

Cora continuing to glare at her daughter as she spoke did not see what Regina saw. In the mirror the bright insides of the castle broke away and was replaced with swirling blue. In the middle stood Rumplestiltskin with his characteristic grin. Meeting Regina's eyes with his own he grinned and jumped at his knees, hands flaring outwards. The silent plea.

_Push._

In her anger Regina looked from Rumple and to her mother, using the spell she had been practicing to push off the blue constraints. Using the anger Rumple had taught her to use to make her magic stronger she sent a strong wave towards her mother, pushing her into the mirror.

The shock in Cora's face as her daughter sent her flying would always be imprinted on Regina's memory. Rumple immediately disappearing as she went into the mirror. Holding onto the edges tightly she gave one last cry before the mirror completely engulfed her, as if by its own will.

To assure that his pupil would not go after her mother Rumple, from behind a horrified Regina, shattered the mirror with his magic and sent the pieces onto the floor. Her breathing heavy she looked over the small pieces that were strewn about her feet.

In one move she had been freed.  
But now she would never see her mother again.

Looking at her own hands in shock she gave a small sob, wrapping her arms around herself to keep herself from shaking too visibly. Although she and her mother had had their differences throughout her teenage years, she had been gifted a pretty good childhood. She didn't want for anything. Her mother used to conjure her up sweets and toys from nothing.

Small tears pricking the sides of her eyes she sunk onto the floor and hung her head. Letting out a choke and inhaling shakily.

In the midst of being cold she felt a warm leather jacket placed over her shoulders, and the mirror shards disappear around her. Turning to look at her mentor she found him gone. The room cleaned of the evidence and the jacket placed around her in his sense of trying to comfort her. Holding it tight around her she began to inhale the strong scent of burned vanilla that remained on it.

Within the woe of losing her mother she recognized the evil that she had just performed and came to the conclusion she would never learn any more magic. She didn't want to end up like her mother. Not caring about anyone but herself. Using magic to get whatever she wanted despite the consequences.

Looking up at the alabaster railing of her terrace she sniffed. Not learning magic would mean never seeing him again. Her face twisted in pain as she recognized that she would now loose two people she loves.

In the back of her mind there was something that told her how much she had _loved _using magic. She had _loved _getting her way, for once. And she had secretly _loved _that she would not have to deal with her mother's obsessive control over her for a single minute longer.

But it would only be right not to deal with magic anymore.

It would only be right to never see Rumplestiltskin anymore.

And for some reason, _that _was the most painful thing she thought that night.

While sitting on the ground and inhaling the strong vanilla scent on his jacket, and wondering where he had gone.

* * *

In his castle Rumplestiltskin sat by the window looking out at the stars and the little village a few miles away and watching them come and go quickly, hoping he wouldn't notice them and come wreak havoc.

Which didn't make sense to him because never once did he go down there and wreak havoc…

Well okay once he turned a butcher into a pig for stepping back on a deal with him, but that was the principle of the deal-making process. Nobody broke deals with him. Nobody.

But here he was, his heart both giddy and heavy, with the happenings of the night.

He had finally gotten her back for breaking his heart. That damned miller's daughter was now stuck in wonderland which is just a horrible place to go. That was why he had always sent Jefferson to do his bidding whenever he had to deal with anything concerning wonderland. Yes. Now that woman was stuck there. Maybe that would lighten her up.

He giggled proudly and did a happy jaunt around his potion-room, nearly hopping on all the chairs in his excitement. It had taken all these years but he finally had both Cora and her daughter where he wanted them. The mother was away, now he and the daughter could play.

Having made it to hop up on the desk he was giggling and kicking his feet before pausing and leaning back on his hands. His heart heavy as he sighed and transported himself onto his bed and reclined fully on the plush velvet covering. Not even caring enough to pop his boots off before putting his feet on the bed.

Why was he so conflicted about this? In his dreams he had always envisioned this day as one of his happiest. How he would dance and rejoice with her daughter to be freed from the horrible woman who he had once loved.

But…dammit…

The way she had looked when her mother was gone into the mirror forever. That look on her face that was so full of grief and love and woe and…that childhood affection for their parent, no matter what.

It had made him wonder what Bae looked like when he was transported away. Was he as woe-struck when he had been taken from his father forever? When he had realized there was no hope to return to his father in the Enchanted Forest, was he equally sad? Did anyone comfort him?

He let out a soft sigh and sat up. His jacket missing he began to manually undress like he had to when he was simply human. Throwing his shirt aside he crossed his legs and let his hands rest in his lap. His shoulder slouching.

He wouldn't be able to conceal his happiness around the woe-struck young woman so he had simply left…but he was sincerely hoping that his jacket would give her any bit of comfort that it could offer. Whether it be from the warmth or texture of something soft and luxurious. Just anything that would make her feel less horrible about everything that had happened. That would hopefully make her feel like it wasn't her fault.

It was his.  
It was his own damn need to get his revenge on her mother for what she had done to him.  
It was his need to use Regina to enact a curse in order to find the son he had lost because in a moment of weakness and fear he had made the wrong decision.

He had accepted the fact that he would no longer be a "good guy" for a very long time…

And now he had made it so that Regina would soon become just like him.  
And that was a feeling of guilt that would rest like a rock in his stomach for the rest of his life.

* * *

Walking along main-street with Emma at his side they spoke candidly about the Mary Margaret-Catherine murder case. Emma showing her obvious disapproval that Mary Margaret would allow corrupt Mr. Gold to be her lawyer. Although she had to admit to herself that he must have an amazing allure with judges.

She herself had arrested Mr. Gold for nearly beating a shop owner to death just a few months ago and he had gotten off completely free with no fines or fees and had only spent two days behind bars. In which time she had never seen him undress more than taking off his tie, and had never once seen him lie down.

Was this man a robot?

_No, don't be stupid, Emma. He's not a robot…he's just…Whatever classification of human Mr. Gold can count as._

"…Hey, Gold." She spoke curiously.

"Yes, Miss Swan?" He answered, continuing to limp along. His cane making a rhythmic tapping on the ground.

"What _is _your first name?" She asked with a furrowed brow, making him turn around and look her up and down.

"Why?" he asked curiously.

"Everyone calls you Mr. Gold. Never by anything else. I was wondering if you had any other way to call you. Calling you _Mr. Gold _all the time always seems too formal."

He smirked and laughed, "Well. What if I told you my first name is Rumplestiltskin?" He quipped, opening the door to the station.

"Don't give Henry any ideas." Emma replied briskly as she walked past him inside. Walking down the long corridor and seeing Henry sitting there with a proud grin on his face.

"Way to go, Emma!" He said proudly, "I never would have thought about this part of the plan!" His little face beaming with pride at his mother's cunning.

"What plan?" She said confused. Henry's mouth opened before his eyes went across her shoulder and saw Mr. Gold standing there, leaning on his cane.

"Yes, Henry…what plan?" He said firmly. Hiding the small bit of pleasure that his plans were coming to fruition.

Henry's mouth opened before closing tightly and looking to Emma for help. Emma turning back to look at Gold before he chuckled and nodded, limping by them.

"I can see that I'm not allowed to know." He winked to Emma as he went into the part of the station that held two identical jail cells. Seeing one cell completely empty his grin went ear-to-ear, the door wide open and the prisoner having made a brisk run for it. He knew exactly where she was headed. Everything according to plan.

Emma knelt down and held Henry by the shoulders, "What plan, Henry?"

"You know…the plan for Mary Margaret to escape. That way she won't be seen as guilty." He smiled brightly. Emma's face paling as she gazed into his innocent face.

"Excuse me, Miss Swan…" Mr. Gold said from the other room, her legs carrying her quickly into the station and seeing the door open wide and the accused gone.

This was a catastrophe.

"This can't be happening."

"Unless she's hiding under that tiny bed I believe it is." He quipped and rested his hands on the golden head of his cane.

"I have to go find her." She said grabbing her jacket and keys.

"Miss Swan I am sure you know that if you are caught trying to help her you will be on trial for assisting a fugitive."

"I don't care. She's my friend and I'm going to get her back here."

"Well. Do so by the arraignment tomorrow. If she's not here by eight in the morning then I can make no promises for Miss Blanchard's future." He answered truthfully. Now things were out of his hands. It was up to Emma to see if good or evil won.

"I _will _have her back here by that time. Just you see." She said firmly, her bright green eyes meeting his own brown ones. Seeing her determination he nodded and stepped aside for her to pass, seeing her running out of the room at full speed.

Tilting his head he couldn't help but laugh. Maybe that annoying saying the Charming's were so fond of was true. Good always wins.

_Savior indeed. Well, Regina, you can't say I didn't try if she does come through. This all lays on her shoulders now. Either way…things are all going according to plan…I just might have to change up my tactics to keep my desires safe. I don't think that this is something simply putting my jacket around your shoulders could fix…_

_I'm sorry._

He sighed and tapped his cane on the ground, limping out of the sheriff's office and down the road.

_Savior, savior indeed. But who is she saving?_

He chuckled, licking his lips cunningly and limping down the street at his own leisure.

* * *

A/N: Hello everyone. D.S here. Glad I managed to get a new chapter up so quickly!  
First thing is first and I want to thank my current followers for following/faving/ etc. because it truly means a lot to me to have someone appreciate my writing! Really and truly.  
If you like Golden-Queen please tell other friends who also like it about this fic. I'd like to be able to get more people to read this and get deeper into this ship. Not a lot of stuff for this ship unfortunately :( so maybe it will inspire a bit more possibly?

Oh. And please leave a review, no matter how short or anything. I would like to know what you liked, what may need improvement, what you think should happen, etc.  
Thank you so much!

-DS


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